Life of Wilder: Week Forty-Five

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee
Greenest state in the Land of the Free
Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree
Kilt him a b'ar when he was only three.
Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the wild frontier!

Major happy this week: Wilder + coonskin cap = the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I got this thing on sale at Gymboree and I'm pretty obsessed with it. He wasn't too sure about it at first but he's come around to it and it just makes me, and everyone who sees him in it, smile. It's also made for some cute photo opps this week...

Let's go over yonder, Grana

Exploring the wild frontier (of the yard)

People keep asking how I'm holding up with everything that's been going on, so let me just say I'm doing OK most of the time. I'm so busy during the day taking care of Wilder that I don't have much time to think about it all. Plus I think I'm still in shock -- it just doesn't seem completely real yet. We had dinner at my grandmother's house last night though with all of the family and that was pretty hard because my dad's absence was obvious. I kept thinking about how much he would have loved sitting in the living room watching the kids play, cracking jokes at the dinner table, or stingily guarding the lima beans (his favorite). 

But most of the time for now, unless I really think about it, it just feels like he's away flying like he used to. I can't totally wrap my head around the terrible fact that he won't ever be coming back. It's just too awful to consider. 

We had my dad's funeral on Saturday. It was a graveside service with many, many people who loved him from all over the country in attendance. I think it honored him well and it felt good to see his huge family, nurses from the cancer center, former police colleagues, pilot buddies, childhood friends, church friends, William's and my school friends, and so many others gathered to remember my dad. It was very emotional for everyone, but it was just what my dad would have wanted -- a heartfelt eulogy from a former pastor of ours with some laughs thrown in there of course, a beautiful day, and lots of loved ones in attendance. It was a simple, lovely way to honor him.

Afterwards our family and out-of-town guests gathered at my grandmother's house for food and fellowship. Stories about my dad and fond memories were being shared throughout the house -- no somber occasion there -- again, just what my dad would have wanted. 

My dad's two brothers, a good friend,

a niece, a nephew, and his grandson

 Three of my dad's nieces, a 

great-niece, and Wilder playing

 My mom and Wilder

When all the company was gone and it was just my dad's family left, we took twenty red balloons, went out to the field next to the house, and had our own little tribute to him. I told a story about my dad that I felt epitomized the kind of person he was.

~~ When I was in high-school, he was having a radiation treatment that caused him to be completely isolated in the hospital for a few days. One day after school he called and told me to go park across the street from the hospital and look up. As I watched a window on the top floor opened up and a red balloon flew out. It was my dad's way of connecting with me and saying Hi. That was just the type of person he was -- always finding ways to connect with those he loved and make them feel special. ~~

So out there on that sunny afternoon, with a warm breeze picking up around us, we said a prayer and then sent our red balloons up to him. It was an intimate, special end to a day devoted to an amazing dad, husband, granddaddy, father-in-law, son, brother, uncle, and friend.

Our community has reached out to us in such generous and thoughtful ways over the last few weeks through cards, meals, supplies, household chores, and prayers. It means so much to know that we are thought about and prayed over during this time. We have been overwhelmed by your support and we can never thank you enough. But THANK YOU! 

Wilder has been thoroughly enjoying all of the visitors we've been having and family we've been seeing this week. One afternoon my best friend Jinny brought her two little ones over for a playdate. They are "big kids" to Wilder (four years old and one and a half) so he was fascinated watching them run around and play with all of his toys. It's always fun getting them together. 

I think he may have had a little crush on Aniston ;)

He has also loved getting all the attention of his aunt and uncle. Wilder absolutely adores my brother and his wife and they just eat him up. I love seeing them with him. 

 Helping Uncle William work on the four-wheeler

 Um, would you please look at my child's belly?!

I think he's been getting a little too much good

Southern cooking!

 He loves looking at this photo album. Guess who's

in every singe picture... himself of course, haha

 Getting spoiled by Aunt Lauren

 Uncle William has all kinds of fun toys

My dad's brothers and their families were here this weekend so Wilder's been getting lots of playtime with all of his cousins. My cousin Elaine lives in Boise and she and her 15-month-old daughter Gracie, who we hadn't met yet, came in on Friday. It was so much fun and so special to get Wilder and Gracie together. Gracie kept wanting to hug him and help him do stuff. Those two are just too cute together.

Wilder's also been having fun with his other cousins too. He loves being the center of attention. It's going to be a rude awakening when we go back to San Diego and he doesn't have people cheering when he wakes up from every nap, haha ;)

Since we are never all together like this we had to take advantage of the opportunity and take a Dabney cousins picture the other night. It's all of us minus one, but I love it!

And Elaine and I had to get one with our babies.

I won't tell you how many takes it took to get these but, as you can see, it was a few too many for Wilder. It was his bedtime and he was D-O-N-E, haha!

Y'all, I have to tell you... Paul has been so wonderful through all of this. He has driven me back and forth to the hospital, entertained Wilder while I visited with my dad, held me when I cried, and helped out around my mom's house. He left last Sunday to go back to San Diego because his school started on Monday. Then Friday was his birthday and he spent all day flying back to Tennessee for the funeral. He got here at about 9:00 PM that night and I know he wasn't expecting much out of this birthday but I wanted to show him how much I appreciated him so we got a cake together (thanks to our neighbor and good friend, Mrs. Rebecca) and some gifts and had a little birthday celebration when he got here. 

My mom gave him, among other things, 

my dad's old school Raybans. I think

he was pretty honored to have them.

And I have to say, they look good on him!

After having his daddy here for two weeks, Wilder certainly missed Paul when he was gone last week. When he saw Paul Saturday morning the look on his face was like he'd won the lottery. It was so sweet seeing that huge grin. He sure loves his Dada. :)

Let's see... what else has Wilder been up to this week?

He adores riding in my old red wagon. It doesn't

have cupholders or seatbelts like his at home, but

I would venture to say that makes it even more fun.

He's finally getting the hang of the fine art

of sippy cup drinking.

He's still obsessed with the cat and chases

her all over the house.

He's been getting away with making

messes because that's just what you

do at your grandparents' house

 He's been thoroughly entertaining us

 He's been getting chubbier by the day

He's been helping with yardwork

And helping with housework

He's also discovered an affinity for

throwing food on the floor. Again, you

can get away with that kind of stuff

at your grandparents' house.

 He also loooves walking us around now.

Where we used to kind of lead him, now

he sticks that belly out and pulls us along

behind him. He's even run a couple of times

with me holding onto his hands. As soon

as he gets his balance down, he's going to

be taking off on his own and then there's

no stopping him after that. Pray for us.

 He had his first runny nose today, ugh!

Our 10 1/2 month healthy streak is over :(

But he was a happy boy anyway

Tonight I took Wilder over to Paul's grandparents house to play and eat dinner with them and his dad. They all just adore him and passed him back and forth between them all night. He loved the good food and their attempts at spoiling him rotten.

The pointing has reached a new 

level of ridiculousness now

Waiting on dinner with Daddy G

Oh! And the best new thing he's started doing... saying Mama! He actually started this a couple of weeks ago but somehow I forgot to mention it. Sometimes he says it to me and sometimes he says it just for fun but it totally melts my heart either way. 

Here are a few more cute pictures from this week...

Baseballs and little red wagons -- doesn't

get much more American than that

Crazy morning hair

 Laughing deviously because he

wouldn't keep his hat on for a picture

 I finally learned the key is to distract

him and then put it on him

 I'm coming to pop your balloon, Tad

Me and two hard-working dudes

Alright folks, if you've even read this far, sorry for such a long post but we've had a busy week. Thank you again for your prayers for my family. We're hanging in there. Hope everyone has a good week!

10-4, Daddy

My daddy is no longer suffering. He went Home peacefully Tuesday morning, two weeks exactly from that awful day when we were told he had two weeks to live. Even though I was selfishly thankful to have that extra time with him, each day for those two weeks I would sit at his bedside and question why God was making him continue to hold on and suffer. It was so painful for me (and all of us) to watch him deteriorate daily, lying there confused or asleep for much of the time and never really comfortable. Even though I didn't want him to be gone from my life, I would beg for God to have mercy and end his suffering. 

I was grateful to have time to say all the things I needed to say to him and he was able to tell me he was proud of me and that he loved me over and over. But, through the fog of all his pain medication, we were never sure he completely understood what was happening to him and this really bothered me. I wanted to be able to ask him if there was anything he wanted us to do for him before he was gone and for him to be able to leave us with some parting words -- some kind of reassurance to hold onto and repeat to myself when I miss him in the years to come, but this did not happen.

Even though I have felt so at peace for the last couple of days out of gratefulness that his suffering is over (and as a direct result of all of your prayers for my family --thank you!), I still felt a nagging need for some type of closure. In desperation yesterday, I asked my mom if he had left us a letter or anything like that but, not ever imagining he would die so relatively suddenly, he didn't. When I think about it, that wouldn't have been like my dad anyway -- he was a man of few words. But the words he chose always got your attention, made you laugh, or made an impact in some way. That's why, when I received a copy of this email tonight from one of my dad's former colleagues at the Jackson Police Department and a good friend for many years, I broke down in happy tears and knew that this was the closure I was looking for.

"Last night I was thinking hard again about Rhea. With a heavy heart, I had to smile as I recalled the many fun times we had. Many of my memories are of things we experienced as officers with the Jackson Police Department, the crazy along with the humorous. We spent hundreds of hours riding in the patrol car talking about sports, politics, and where we were going to eat next. Rhea and I shared an interest in words, riddles, and trivia. Mix that with his sense of humor and tendency to pull a good practical joke, and well, he kept me pretty entertained. 

Then it hit me. It could simply be coincidence. But then again, this would be just like Rhea. A tidbit of his mischievous nature. Something he and God contrived as he was sleeping over the past few weeks. Something, when discovered, would lift a heavy heart.

My good friend Rhea passed away on October 4th. 10-4. I heard him say it a thousand times as we rode together in the patrol car. 10-4. It means that everything is OK. Maybe he wanted us to know that."

10-4. Always a policeman at heart (even though he quit the force when I was born), I heard him say it thousands of times throughout my life. He would sometimes say it before we hung up the phone or in any other situation that he felt warranted an acknowledgment. Where anyone else would say "OK" he would say "10-4." That was just my dad -- a character, an individual, like no other. And I don't believe for a second that the date of his death was a coincidence at all. God knew what he was doing in letting him stick around for those two weeks, even though I questioned him and called him merciless. He knew we would need a sign, a reassurance, and he allowed my dad to give it to us in a way that was so undeniably "him." 

I will miss my daddy every day for the rest of my life. I would give anything for him to still be here saying all his funny quips or doing the impressions that used to embarrass the hell out of me. But I have to take comfort in the memories of him, the precious time I was able to spend with him the last few weeks, and my belief that I'll see him again someday. He was my constant protector my whole life, so what better guardian angel could I have looking out for me now? It's going to be hard, but we're going to make it. We're going to be OK. 10-4, Daddy.

At William and Lauren's wedding in May --

The only photo there is of all seven of us together.