August 28, 2011

A Letter to My Son

My precious Wilder,

How can I express to you how much I love you? Cliches like "I would do anything for you" and "You are my world," although true, only seem to water down the sentiment. And it's such a huge, powerful, all-encompassing sentiment that I want the expression of it to be crystal clear. Is it even possible for a parent to convey the enormity of their love to a child? Is it possible for a child to understand the depth of his parents' love until he has dived all the way in to a love for his own child? I really doubt it but it's certainly worth a try... 
I miss you after I put you to bed at night. I have to resist the temptation to come wake you up to play and cuddle. I can't wait to wake up in the morning so I can be your mom some more. I can't get enough of kissing your chubby cheeks, your chin, the top of your head, your little hands, your sweet baby toes. Just thinking about you makes me smile and hearing you laugh brings happy tears to my eyes. Watching you grow every day is the greatest privilege and being your mom is the best job I will ever have. 
From the first moment I saw your red, squishy face wailing away, my heart no longer belonged to me and I knew my life would never again be lived for myself or my own purposes. No longer would I think about what I wanted or needed. You were suddenly, in that moment and always, what mattered most in my world. 

Everything I do now is for you. I love your daddy, well because I just do, but also because I want to show you how to love someone. I've made friends, even though I prefer being anti-social, because I want to show you how to be a friend. I exercise and make healthy meals, even though I really like sitting on the couch and eating ice cream, because I want you to make healthy choices and take care of yourself. I treat people kindly and with respect, although they don't always make it easy, because I want you to do the same. We travel back to the South multiple times a year, even though it's a lot of work and we can't easily afford it, because I want you to know your family and your roots. I take a million pictures and blog about your life, not only because I want to remember every single detail, but because I want to show you how important you are to me. I do all of these things and more without a second thought because they will make your life better and because you deserve the best of me. 
I am so proud of you and you could never do anything to diminish my love for you. I want you to always know that as you grow up and I promise to do everything I can to assure you of that. My love for you is who I am now and I wouldn't change that for anything. You are a priceless treasure to me. I feel so truly blessed to be your mom and I promise to do my very best in that role because I love you. I love you, Wilder Roman, with my whole heart. 


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