The Over-Reacting, Over-Analyzing, Overly-Cautious First-Time Mom

As moms, we all worry about our actions affecting our children, and rightfully so. I mean how many times have you heard some criminal explain his behavior by saying he was abused as a child? And really, it stands to reason that if a child grows up being guided and shaped every day by a dysfunctional or abusive parent they are going to be affected in some way. Can kids from such households grow into normal, functioning adults? Yes, definitely; I've seen it happen. But it isn't without a lot of work, and possibly therapy, on their part. They grow up to be good people in spite of their parents, not because of them as it should be. And obviously not everyone has the ability to overcome the obstacles of their raising. 

As a mom, I don't want to be the cause of any obstacles my children have to try to overcome and, because of this concern, I feel like I spend countless hours worrying over the decisions I have to make for Wilder. I constantly second guess myself, because oftentimes it seems like there are pros and cons to both sides of an action. It's always a back and forth battle in my head that goes like,  "Well, if this, then this... But if that, then that." I guess nobody ever said parenthood was black and white. And it sure isn't. 

What really got me thinking about this subject was a conversation with my mom the other day. Wilder and I were having playtime in his room and I had given him some crayons and a piece of paper to see if he would be interested in them. My mom called and we talked for a few minutes, then she asked what Wilder was up to. 

Me: "He's coloring on a piece of paper... Wait, now he's coloring on one of his books." 

Mom: "Don't let him color on his books!"

Me: "But I don't want to thwart his creativity!" 

Mom: "But you want to teach him to respect his books."

I totally see what she was saying and agree with her. But I also feel like, in a way, I was right too. I guess it's all about how you approach things. I couldn't very well let him have free reign with the crayons all over the house; but it would have been just as detrimental to overreact and discourage him too harshly from exploring those tools of creativity. Everything has to be handled delicately and thoughtfully.

It's not just the crayons though. Like I said, I am constantly questioning my actions and trying to foresee how they could, in any way, negatively affect Wilder down the road. Mealtimes are a big area where I feel like I'm walking a tightrope, trying to do everything just right so he will have a healthy relationship with food. I want him to love foods of all kinds but not love food too much. Sometimes my concerns go a little overboard and border on the fantastical though.

Once I put Wilder in his highchair, I better have something ready for him to put in his mouth or he acts like the world is coming to an end. So I've taken to heating up vegetables quickly and giving him those while I prepare the "second course", then giving him that while I cut up his fruit. So he's always eating one thing at a time. A few times I've tried to put more than one thing on his tray at the same time and he just swipes it all off onto the floor. I worry that by serving his food this way, I'm inadvertently turning him into someone who eats one thing on their plate at a time and he'll do that for the rest of his life. Not that there's really anything wrong with that; but I hate thinking that something I've done will cause him to have some weird quirk.

Also, Wilder will not wear a bib. He acts like it's choking him to death and pulls at it frantically until he rips it off (I wash my hands of that quirk though. I've analyzed and re-analyzed and there is absolutely nothing I did to instill that weird aversion in him.). I quickly got tired of constantly having to change him after meals because of all the food plastered to his front so now I just strip him down to his diaper before every meal. But the other day I was thinking about this habit and the thought briefly flashed into my mind: "What if, because of this, he develops some weird eating disorder where he can't eat unless he's fully undressed?!" 

I know, totally unreasonable. But, after almost a year of being a mom, I'm so used to thinking this way that I just can't help it now. I totally overanalyze every action. I'm sure it has a lot to do with being a first-time mom. I think with the first child everyone is a little over-cautious. I'm sure by the second or third, they'll be eating crayons and it won't even faze me. Wilder, you're getting my best and my worst, buddy. Hope it doesn't screw you up too much ;)

Why We LUV Southwest

Y'all, Southwest is an awesome company. If you fly with them, you already know this. From their open seating policy to their quirky, hilarious flight attendants, Southwest has got it going on. I'm fairly certain that every person that works for them has to pass a rigorous friendliness test (I'm picturing something that involves army crawling in the mud under a mile of barbed wire while singing silly songs, asking "Is there anything else I can do for you, Valued Customer?" at regular intervals, and never losing the smile on their face... Am I close, Southwest?) because I have never encountered any of their employees who didn't obviously love their job and love serving their customers. By the end of this year we will have flown with a baby between San Diego and Tennessee four times -- that's eight flights in all -- and only one leg of those eight was not with Southwest (what a huge mistake that was). Flying with a baby is stressful but they have made every one of our flights with them beyond pleasant in various ways. Like I said if you have ever flown with them you already know how great they are, but if you haven't, here is just a small example.

When I decided on an airplane theme for Wilder's birthday party, I remembered that Southwest has little packages of airplane-shaped crackers so I emailed them to inquire about getting some and told them what it was for. They replied the next day saying that they were so sorry, that they were out of stock of the crackers, but could they send me some peanuts, pretzels, or anything else I wanted instead? I decided to go with the pretzels. 

Well, today I get a huge box in the mail from Southwest. Inside were a ton of little pretzel packages, a package of Southwest napkins, and this...

An adorable Southwest airplane piggy bank as a birthday gift for Wilder! Also, this letter...

I may have overreacted a little but I totally teared up. People being nice just gets to me. And, I mean, seriously? Could they be any nicer?? Any other airline, or company for that matter, would have probably not even responded to my email until after his party was over and then it would be to say that they couldn't do what I asked. But Southwest went above and beyond and that, folks, is why we LUV Southwest. 

Hipsters Aren't Too Cool for Cupcakes

I am not uncool, people. I just want to put that out there right off the bat. Since having a baby I don't have time to follow celebrity gossip or all the latest trends in fashion and music... but come to think of it I never did that anyway. Don't get me wrong, I like to look presentable/semi-fashionable and I love music; it's just that, these days, what is "in" is "out" in less than 6 seconds and I have better things to do than keep up with all that. Oh lord, you probably think I'm going to throw in a "back in my day" any minute now. OK, how can I prove that I'm not uncool? Um, I know that Ke$ha is not pronounced "Ke-dollarsign-ha"? Does that do it for you? Probably not because I'm sure she's been "out" for 54 seconds already but let's pretend you are now convinced that I am not uncool, OK? I promise I'm not. Just go with it.

But, I do have a confession... I just don't get hipsters. Every area of San Diego is known for a different group of people -- Pacific Beach houses the college crowd, Ocean Beach hosts the hippies, La Jolla is the ritzy bunch, etc. etc. Well, our neighborhood of North Park is overrun with hipsters. There are throngs of them slinking up and down the streets just oozing coolness.

College folks don't scare me because I was one once -- I know they like beer and anything fun. Hippies I know all about from being friends with them in college and from living in Ocean Beach for a year -- they like, among other things, sticking it to "The Man" and dancing crazily to music. The ritzy crowd and their affinity for anything expensive and exclusive also doesn't scare me. I don't belong to any of these groups but I'm not intimidated by them either. If I was stuck in an elevator with any one of those types I would have no problem making small talk. 

Hipsters are a different story though. From what I've observed they like cigarettes, bad haircuts, molester mustaches, skinny jeans, and being too cool for everything. But that doesn't tell me anything substantial about them. Who are these people? What is their agenda? I'm very curious about them because, not only am I afraid I'll get stuck in a North Park elevator with one of them and not have anything cool enough to say, but because there are an undetermined number of them living in the front house. You know, the front house? I see them every day in our mutual comings and goings and I run into them while checking the mail (which is on their front porch where they are constantly smoking cigarettes) and I just feel sooooo awkward. I generally don't feel uncool in my daily life (remember, I know how to pronounce "Ke$ha") but these people totally intimidate me. Fear of the unknown, that's what it is. And possibly the molester mustaches. 

But guess what? I had a small victory today. I inadvertently found out that hipsters aren't too cool for everything. Last night I tested a recipe for cupcakes for Wilder's birthday party. They were really good and I totally could have eaten every single last one of them. But I decided to be responsible and give some away. I wrapped up six of them to take to our playdate today and pawn off on my friend but, alas, the playdate got canceled as playdates are wont to do. Crap! I did not need any cupcakes sitting on my kitchen counter calling to me, much less an extra six of them. I wouldn't have been able to let them go to waste, if you know what I mean. 

So tonight in a moment of desperation? insanity? I don't know... I took the fluffy white pastries up to the front house and said they would be doing me a favor if they would take them off my hands. And you know what? They were totally stoked about them. As I turned to leave, the guy that answered the door, the one with the worst haircut of all, hollered to the rest of them, "Dudes, we got cupcakes!" And then I heard a buzz of general excitement and I'm pretty sure some high-fiving. Aha! I found one thing hipsters are not too cool for! And from now on, anytime I'm walking down the street pushing a stroller and feeling intimidated by the coolness of all the leather-wearing, cigarette-smoking, bad-haircut-sporting people around me I'll just imagine them eating a cupcake and getting a little glob of icing on the tip of their nose. Because let's face it, there's absolutely no cool way to eat a cupcake. 

Thankful

It's been a dumpy kind of day. I may have just made that word up, but it has. It's been just... blahhh. It's been raining. I've been missing my dad. I've run into some setbacks with party planning. And, as soon as I finished loading groceries into the car this afternoon, I realized I had forgotten something really important so I had to drag Wilder back in for a second time... only to get home and realize I had forgotten like two more things. Yeah, that kind of day. Errgh!

So I've decided to remedy my rainy day blues by making a list of some things I'm thankful for. I sooo don't feel like doing this right now but that's exactly why I need to. I know when I'm done I'll feel a lot better (and not just because I will have gotten this damn NaBloPoMo Day 6 post off my back). When I'm feeling crappy it always helps to remind myself of all the good things in my life. 

1) I'm thankful for Wilder. I'm thankful that he makes grocery shopping (and every other activity) fun just by being his own little sweet, happy, laughy self. I'm thankful that he's healthy, a good eater, and easy-going. I'm thankful for how immensely better and sweeter he's made my life over the last year. 

2) I'm thankful for Paul. I'm thankful that where one of us is weak, the other is strong. Those party planning setbacks? He totally swooped in and saved the day. It irks me a little that what was taking me hours to do a mediocre job at, he can do a fantastic job at in no time at all. But I'm thankful that that is the case anyway. I'm thankful that our two weak, misshapen persons fit together just right to form one strong super-couple. 

3) I'm thankful for a family that clings together, supports each other, and moves forward together through devastating loss. I'm thankful that, although we're each grieving in different ways, we try our best to be understanding and supportive of each other's unique processes. 

4) I'm thankful for good, true friends. I was never one to seek out a large group of friends. I always just had one or two good friends and I have sometimes been guilty of neglecting even those relationships. But the experiences of becoming a mom and losing my dad have shown me the importance of good friends and I'm thankful that I've been able to rekindle old friendships and ignite new ones over the last year. It's still not a huge group but I prefer quality over quantity anyway. Those women, whether they are school friends, mom friends, or blog friends, have become such an important part of my life and I'm so grateful for the support and love they have shown me. 

5) I'm thankful for Everything Pretzel Crisps and ice cold Coke Zero. Sorry, that one snuck in there.

6) I'm thankful that we've had this amazing opportunity to live in such a beautiful place. Being so far from family has been hard, but moving 2,000 miles away where we didn't know a soul has made us better and stronger as individuals and as a couple and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

7) I'm thankful for this blog for a few different reasons (the connection with other moms, the very thorough record it is of Wilder's first year, the therapeutic aspect of writing, etc.), but one of the main reasons is this: Growing up I was always writing but I never wanted my dad to read what I wrote for some reason. I was immaturely very adamant about this -- covering my pages if he even walked into the room -- like he would have done anything other than praise and encourage me. He was a writer himself and I regret not bonding with him over that more. But in June of last year, on a whim and mostly out of boredom while Paul was out of town, I put aside my fear of being read and started writing publicly on the internet for my dad  (and all the world) to see. Even though we were 2,000 miles apart my dad and I grew closer over those 16 months than we ever had been before. He was able to read what was going on in my daily life and he would email or call me to talk about my posts. When I started the Life of Wilder posts, if I was late posting on a Friday, I could be sure I would be getting a call from him wondering where his weekly update was. He was my biggest fan. This blog improved my relationship with my dad during what would be the last year of his life and I am so incredibly thankful for that. 

There, see? I'm feeling much better now. Even though it's still raining (seriously, what is up with this weather??), I can go to bed happy and hopefully wake up to sunshine tomorrow. If not, I'll just come back and re-read this list and try to make the most of the day anyway. 

Pregnancy and Motherhood for Dummies

(I'm not calling anyone a dummy! That was just a catchy title. Although before I became pregnant with Wilder I did feel like a dummy when it came to all things baby and if you're newly pregnant or a first-time mom you might too, hence this post.)

Recently a younger cousin of mine who is pregnant messaged me on Facebook asking for tips and advice on pregnancy and being a mother. I was pretty shocked because I'm certainly no expert but I was honored that she would think to ask me. I also have a few friends who are pregnant for the first time and therefore I'm in full-on advice-giving mode right now so I thought for today's post I'd share some of the things I've learned about pregnancy and new motherhood through reading and simple trial and error. Again, I'm no expert. This advice is just what has worked for me. You should read and research to figure out what you believe is best for you and your baby. 

Also, a disclaimer: I will admit, I'm a total breastfeeding snob because it worked for me and Wilder has not been sick once. He has had only one runny nose (from Tennessee pollen) and one fever (from teething) all year. BUT I fully know and understand that not everyone is physically able to breastfeed. So my advice there is, breastfeed if you are able (it may not be easy, but it will be worth it) BUT if you aren't able to for some reason, don't beat yourself up about it! Stay positive so you can pass those positive feelings on to your baby. As my What to Expect the First Year book says, Filled with the right formula and given the right way, a bottle can be used to pass along good nutrition and lots of love. 

So, anyway, as if all you expectant mothers weren't receiving enough unsolicited advice, here you go ;)

Pregnancy:

1. Exercise! Yoga is great for keeping your mind right and in a positive place and it also helps build up flexibility and muscle strength for labor. If nothing else, try to walk 30 min. every day. You'll need to build up strength and endurance for labor and for the exhausting days after you have the baby. Trust me. You'll be glad you did.

2. Eat healthily (obviously) -- Read about what not to eat (for example, deli meat and unpasteurized cheeses (i.e. queso dip) are to be avoided -- I never would have known that if I hadn't read about it). Remember, everything you eat you're feeding to your baby. Vary your diet so your baby is introduced to lots of different flavors.

3. Take care of yourself in general and get as much rest as you can now. Floss your teeth -- I know that sounds weird but it's important! 

4. Take your prenatal vitamins and also Fish Oil (Omega-3) supplements -- studies show that moms who take fish oil while pregnant have babies with fewer colds and shorter illnesses. This is important because nothing is more stressful and heartbreaking than having a sick or sickly baby.

5. Read and research -- It's up to you to know what decisions you want to make for your baby and how you want to parent, etc. Sooo many people will try to tell you what to do and how to do things, but remember you are the mom and it's your responsibility to know what's best for your baby. Everyone does things differently. Try to just nod and smile when people give you unsolicited advice. The two books that have helped me the most are What to Expect When You're Expecting and What to Expect the First Year. These answer questions you didn't even know you had! Also, TheBump.com is a popular pregnancy/parenting website but I've found it to be not so helpful. A GREAT website is BabyCenter.com -- this is a wonderful resource for all things pregnancy and baby.

Motherhood:

1. The most important thing I can tell you about this is -- BREASTFEED (if you can)! You'll probably feel weird about it at first and it may not be easy right away but it is the best thing you can do for your baby and it is sooo worth it! There are so many benefits to it -- a) it's cheap, you don't have to buy formula; b) it builds an AMAZING bond between you and your baby; c) it helps you lose the pregnancy weight a lot faster; and d) it passes on antibodies to your baby to help keep him/her healthy and it builds brainpower in your baby. Read a recent study by Brown University showing that breastfeeding boosts brain development by clicking here.

2. This goes along with the point about breastfeeding -- If you choose to breastfeed, tell your significant other, parents, and other important people in your life that you have decided to do this and that you'll need their support and encouragement if you're going to stick with it. If the going gets tough (i.e. you have problems with latching, milk supply, sore nipples, etc.), you'll need them to be there to tell you you're doing a great job and that you're doing the right thing. Nothing is more discouraging than having someone you trust say Just give him/her a bottle. Do your research on breastfeeding so you'll know what to expect. A great book is The Nursing Mother's Companion. Also, look up La Leche League in your area. You can call any of their leaders with questions.

3. If you thought people gave you a lot of unsolicited while you were pregnant, get ready for all the comments about how you should raise your child! Again, just know they're trying to help but also feel free to take the advice you agree with and ignore the rest. I can't emphasize it enough -- read and do your research. If you have a question, look it up (or ask someone you trust). Just remember, recommendations change all the time so even the way our parents did things can be different than what is recommended these days. Again, BabyCenter.com is a great resource.

4. People will tell you this over and over but it's SO true -- sleep when the baby sleeps. You will be up so many times every night right at first and it gets exhausting so when the baby takes a nap or sleeps at all, you go take a nap too. Your baby's newborn days will be so much more enjoyable if you get as much sleep as possible.

5. Every baby is different but the best piece of baby equipment we had was the Fisher Price Calming Vibrations bouncer seat. The swing works for a lot of babies, but Wilder would go straight to sleep in this seat. Plus, it's cheap -- I think it's like $30 compared to a super-expensive swing. Also, it's fine for baby to have a few nice clothes for special occasions (or for all the time if you can afford it), but don't be afraid to shop Craigslist and consignment stores for quality, used clothes and gear -- your baby will outgrow clothes (and spit up all over them) and toys within a couple of months so there's no reason to break the bank to buy super-expensive stuff. Plus, as far as toys go, babies much prefer cardboard boxes and other household items (see a list compiled by my friend Annalee here) to actual toys anyway. 

6. Establish routines -- When you're trying to get the baby to sleep in his/her own crib it helps so much to have a bedtime routine. For example, we do a bath, then nurse, then bed every night. It helps the baby wind down and signals to them that it's time for bed. It also helps you and the baby to have a routine during the day. It may not be feasible to do this at first because a newborn will sleep off and on all day and eat whenever it wants, but after a month or two, you can begin to establish a daily routine. Like a nap in the morning, then a couple of hours later another nap, then another nap 2-3 hours later and feeding them at around the same times during the day. It makes for a happy, secure baby when they have a schedule they can count on and know what's going on and when.

7. Swaddling Wilder made all the difference in the world when we were trying to get him to sleep at night. Also, a sound machine helped (he listens to ocean noises). We also watched The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and that helped us learn how to soothe a crying baby.

8. You don't have to get expensive diapers! We use Target brand diapers and LOVE them.

9. One of the best pieces of advice I read was that you may not feel motherly at first. Nurturing doesn't necessarily come naturally to everyone BUT, if you act nurturing or how you think a loving mother would act, then soon you will become that.

10. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you live close to family who can watch the baby for you if you just need to get out of the house for a little while take advantage of that. Take time for yourself.

11. Remember you are your baby's advocate at doctor appointments. If you're not sure why something is being done, ask. If you have a concern, don't be afraid to speak up. You know your baby best. Also, make a list of questions between appointments to ask the doctor and take notes at your appointments on vaccines given, suggestions from the doctor, etc. 

12. Know that it will be hard at first but you CAN do it! Also, they don't stay tiny and sweet forever -- in fact it goes by faster than you could ever imagine -- so try to enjoy every minute, even the middle-of-the-night minutes. And take LOTS of pictures!

Resources:

What to Expect When You're Expecting

What to Expect the First Year

The Nursing Mother's Companion

Happiest Baby on the Block

La Leche League (for breastfeeding support/advice)

Life of Wilder: Week Forty-Nine

Airplane!

You talkin' to me?

This week started out with every day booked with a social engagement, which I was a little stressed about. I love getting Wilder together with his friends but five days in a row is a little much. Luckily only two days of the five ended up panning out. When you have a kid and you're trying to get together with someone else with a kid I'd say there's only about a 50% chance that you will actually end up doing what you planned, when you planned. Something always comes up. And that's fine with me, especially this week. But I'm definitely understanding anyway of other people having to cancel because Wilder is notorious for taking extra long naps only on the days that we're supposed to be somewhere so I've had to do my fair share of canceling. Anyway, we've ended up having a good balance this week of socializing and downtime. I've been able to get some work done on the birthday party and some important errands taken care of so that takes a little stress off. 

On Sunday Paul and I took Wilder back to the Pumpkin Station pumpkin patch. We had a fun little family day and got to pet some goats and go back down the Most Awesome Fun Time Ever Slide. Wilder is hilarious going down that thing. He laughs and squeals and thinks he's such a big boy because he can go down by himself. I really don't think I've ever seen him enjoy something so much. We might be having to ask for a giant inflatable slide for Christmas ;) 

Monday was Halloween but we knew Paul would have a late class so we didn't make any plans for that night. I dressed Wilder up in the afternoon and took him to "trick or treat" (aka go visit everyone in costume) at my old work. Some of the other employees had their kids there and Wilder had a blast playing with them and taking notes on their walking technique. 

Afterwards I took Wilder out to the courtyard at Liberty Station for a Halloween photo session.

He decided to spice up the costume

and be the Davy Crockett Monster instead

 My sweet boy

 Airplane!

 He hit himself in the face with this leaf

and then died laughing. Then kept doing it.

 He was totally cracking me up. Weirdo!

When we got home he had a Halloween card in the mail from Grana so we had to check that out. And then text her this picture to prove we were properly appreciating it. ;)

On Wednesday we had a playdate with Rachel and Lexi at Old Trolley Barn Park. Wilder and Lexi are so cute together and it's always fun getting together with them. It was pretty sunny so I put Wilder's Padres hat on him hoping he would wear it but thinking that more realistically he would rip it right off. By some miracle he actually left it on though and I totally flash-forwarded in my mind to him as a 15-year-old. He looked like such a big boy! Also, there were two different little boys at the park with toy trucks that Wilder totally stalked so I'm pretty sure that's what he wants for his birthday, FYI to family who have asked me what to get him. 

He was saying voom voom while riding this haha

 Watching kids walk up the slide. He

thought they were amazing, haha

Wilder has been practicing walking so much this week. We got him a walker months ago but he was mostly just interested in the toys on the front of it until recently. Now he's discovered that it can take him wherever he wants to go. Actually it's pretty wide/cumbersome and hard to turn around so it pretty much just takes him from one end of the room to the other. But he loves it! I've tried so hard to get a picture of him because he grins the whole times he's pushing it but he's too fast for me so all I've ended up with are a couple of blurry shots of a smiling baby...

The past couple of days Wilder's game of choice (i.e. we do this for hours on end) is to push the walker from one end of the living room to the other, then once he gets to a dead-end he turns and points at me, which means Come turn me around, Mama. So I turn him around, he walks to the other end of the room, points at me, and it starts all over. I would say he's slightly obsessed.

Rider feels a little put out by this new game because she likes to lay in the middle of the living room and now she can't or she'll get run over. So she's taken to sulking in corners...

Wilder doesn't appreciate Rider not being as enthralled with his new walking skills as he is though so yesterday he punished her by using them to push the coffee table over on top of her. I promise I did not set this picture up. He's such a little tyrant.

As you can probably tell, his next obsession after walking is terrorizing the dogs. I've been trying to teach him "gentle" and he's caught on to the concept a little recently because he does sometimes pet them nicely but he still prefers to poke, pull, climb, and generally treat them like they're his own personal playgrounds. Rider is so sweet and tolerant of him. She is totally ball-obsessed and if I tried to take a ball out of her mouth she would hold onto it as if her life depended on it, but if he reaches for it she just lets him have it. I'm so proud of her because I know that takes a lot of wisdom and self-control on her part. No matter how much she drives me crazy, I know she would protect us with her life and she would never harm Wilder and that's why I love her. Posey just tries to avoid Wilder in general; she's the most lazy, passive dog I've ever known (see Exhibit A). She would never hurt him either but she would just rather be left alone. I think he senses this too though so he goes out of his way to hunt her down and mess with her. 

We've still been reading a lot this week. When I say "reading" I mean he sits in my lap and we flip through a book while I point out things on the page to him and say what they are. He will sit through about three pages max of an actual story but he will sit with me for an hour if I'm just saying what things are and what sounds they make. He can recognize a lot of images like owl, rooster, tractor, cow, ball, airplane, dog, kitty, etc. and his current favorite is duck. We tell him The duck says Quack so now whenever he sees his rubber duckie or any other duck he says Duh! Duh! Dack!

We've also been working with him this week on putting things where they go instead of always just pulling them out. I didn't think this was something he would get until later on but he's actually caught onto it. If we have a box of small toys he will pull them out one at a time and then I'll hand them to him and say Can you put it in there? and he'll put each one back. Of course his favorite thing is to pull them out but he will (begrudgingly) put them back. Now I try to get him to help me clean up his room at night and he will to a degree but it's more of a help/hinder situation. That's OK, at least he's helping a little ;)

Some other things I want to remember about Wilder right now...

... When we go to put him down for a nap, as soon as he turns the light off (yes, he's still flipping the light switch every time) and we turn on his sound machine he lays his head on our shoulder and starts sucking his thumb. That is such a sweet moment and I try to savor it every time before I lay him down.

... He follows simple commands like Come here and Get it but still not No although I know he knows what it means. 

... He's obsessed with any kind of vehicle but especially motorcycles. He knows where all the motorcycles are in his books and flips to those first thing every morning and just sits there staring at them and saying voom voom. He loves Paul's scooter and must point to it in the driveway and say voom voom every time we pass by the window. 

... He loves to throw a ball and then chase it and now he's discovered he likes to throw the ball for Rider to chase. 

... When he gets tired he sucks his thumb and pulls his left ear.

... He loves to point to pictures around the house and have us say who the people in them are, especially if they are pictures of him. 

... Even though he likes to pick on the dogs, they are still his best friends.

Here are a few more cute pictures from this week... 

Wilder likes to let the piece of

cheese hang out of his mouth

before taking a bite.

Crazy morning hair

 Making his birthday/Christmas list

Alright folks, that's it. Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Emotional Rollercoaster

Up and down and all around. I'm stuck on an insane amusement park ride and I'm not amused.

Thinking about Wilder turning one comes with more emotions than I ever imagined. I'm stressed about his party -- I know it doesn't have to be perfect... but I want it to be. At the same time I'm also excited about his party because we have family coming out for it and I'm looking forward to celebrating surviving one year as a mother. ;) 

I'm also planning on starting to wean Wilder from breastfeeding when he turns a year old. I have mixed emotions about this too. In a way, I'm ready for it; but mostly I'm feeling very sad and anxious about losing this special way of bonding with him. 

Also, the holidays. Who doesn't get stressed about the holidays? I'm glad that we're going to be in Tennessee for Christmas after being gone the last three years. But I can't help but be sad about it too because it's the first one without my dad. 

Also, Paul graduates in less than 9 months. After an almost 10-year college career that's, of course, very exciting. But, what the hell are we going to do then?? I'm already stressing about where we'll live, where we'll work, and how we'll adjust to life as working people instead of students.

I'm also having mixed feelings about leaving San Diego. It's so expensive and sooo far away from family, but we love living here and are very happy here. I was mildly depressed when we lived in Mississippi and I think the weather had a lot to do with it. I need sunshine! And I'm worried that if we move back to the South I'll fall back into that dark place. I guess I could always get one of these.

Up, down, up, down. I guess it's all a part of life, but I'm not used to dealing with so many changes all at once. I've never liked rollercoasters. I've always been more partial to the Teacups. But, unfortunately, once you get on a rollercoaster, there's no emergency exit. No matter how scared you get or how much you feel like you're going to lose your lunch, you just have to ride it out. 

So, my question is, how can I be as unaffected by the crazy rollercoaster of my life as this guy? ;)

NaBloPoMo -- Because I Should Be Vacuuming Right Now

Folks, I'm a glutton for punishment. This month is quite possibly the busiest month of the whole year, what with trying to plan a birthday party, getting ready for family to come out for Thanksgiving, taking care of an ever more troublemaking curious, energetic almost one-year-old, dealing with two whiny, needy, baby giant dogs, trying to keep the house modestly clean, and figuring out what's for dinner every night... among other things. 

But last night I read a post on my friend Lindsay's blog about NaBloPoMo -- National Blog Posting Month -- hosted by one of my favorite websites, BlogHer. The challenge is to write a blog post every day for the month of November in order to grow your blog and improve your writing. If you couldn't tell, I'm more of a once, maybe twice, a week blogger and I have everything better to do right now but I just can't resist. I love to write -- it's therapeutic for me and helps me sort things out in my head -- so maybe this challenge is just what I need during this stressful time. A way to briefly escape all the other things I need to be doing each day and center myself. I can't promise how long or inspired my posts will be and I can't promise that some of them won't be complaining about all the things I should be doing other than writing but we'll just see where this challenge takes us. It was either that or NaNoWriMo -- National Novel Writing Month -- and that definitely wasn't happening. 

And just because I always like to include pictures in my blog posts here's a silly one of Wilder eating lunch yesterday. He likes to let the cheese hang out of his mouth before taking a bite.

Mid-Week Minute: It's a Spicy Meat-a-ball-a!

Well, actually it's just an easy, healthy, yummy meat-a-ball-a... but Wilder loooves them and your kid might too. My cousin Amber's son is about 9 months older than Wilder so I've gotten many a hand-me-down and many a piece of advice from her over the last year. When I started feeding Wilder solids I asked what kinds of real foods Henry liked and she gave me this meatball recipe with rave reviews. Wilder was still a little young for it at the time so I filed it away in my recipe section of Evernote (You don't know about Evernote?? Check it out! It's been a lifesaver for me.) to try later. Of course I promptly forgot about it, as a person with mommy-brain is wont to do. But when we got back from Tennessee a few weeks ago, Wilder went through a minor picky eating phase so I dug around in my files and decided to try the long-lost meatball recipe. Y'all. Wilder pretty much gobbles them up and I love them because you can literally throw in everything but the kitchen sink and know that your kid is getting protein, fiber, vegetables, etc. all rolled into delicious, easy little balls of goodness. The recipe is below but you don't have to follow the ingredients to a tee. I used ground pork, chopped spinach, garlic powder, and I also mashed some leftover garbanzo beans to throw in for good measure. 

Baby Meatballs

1 lb. of ground turkey or beef

1 egg

1/2 cup of bread crumbs

1 tbsp. of mustard

1/2 cup of shredded parmesan or mozarella cheese

1-2 mashed or chopped servings of whatever vegetables you have on hand

(sweet potatoes, beans, spinach/greens, edamame, peas, carrots, etc.)

Some kind of seasoning(s)

(cumin, cilantro, garlic powder, etc.)

Just throw all of this in a bowl and mix it up with your hands. Roll into little 1 inch or so balls and put onto a cookie sheet (may need to spray with Pam). Bake at 400 degrees for about 35 - 45 minutes (until browned).

These should keep in the fridge for about 3 days so you can leave a few out, freeze the rest, and just defrost in the microwave as you need them. 

So there you go! Let me know if you try them, how your kid likes them, and what combination of ingredients you tried. Have a great week and see you back here on Friday (or Saturday or Sunday... I'm knee deep in birthday party planning here people, give me a break!) for Wilder's Week 49 update.