November 3, 2011

Emotional Rollercoaster

Up and down and all around. I'm stuck on an insane amusement park ride and I'm not amused.

Thinking about Wilder turning one comes with more emotions than I ever imagined. I'm stressed about his party -- I know it doesn't have to be perfect... but I want it to be. At the same time I'm also excited about his party because we have family coming out for it and I'm looking forward to celebrating surviving one year as a mother. ;) 

I'm also planning on starting to wean Wilder from breastfeeding when he turns a year old. I have mixed emotions about this too. In a way, I'm ready for it; but mostly I'm feeling very sad and anxious about losing this special way of bonding with him. 

Also, the holidays. Who doesn't get stressed about the holidays? I'm glad that we're going to be in Tennessee for Christmas after being gone the last three years. But I can't help but be sad about it too because it's the first one without my dad. 

Also, Paul graduates in less than 9 months. After an almost 10-year college career that's, of course, very exciting. But, what the hell are we going to do then?? I'm already stressing about where we'll live, where we'll work, and how we'll adjust to life as working people instead of students.

I'm also having mixed feelings about leaving San Diego. It's so expensive and sooo far away from family, but we love living here and are very happy here. I was mildly depressed when we lived in Mississippi and I think the weather had a lot to do with it. I need sunshine! And I'm worried that if we move back to the South I'll fall back into that dark place. I guess I could always get one of these.

Up, down, up, down. I guess it's all a part of life, but I'm not used to dealing with so many changes all at once. I've never liked rollercoasters. I've always been more partial to the Teacups. But, unfortunately, once you get on a rollercoaster, there's no emergency exit. No matter how scared you get or how much you feel like you're going to lose your lunch, you just have to ride it out. 

So, my question is, how can I be as unaffected by the crazy rollercoaster of my life as this guy? ;)


  1. i understand, honey. we close on our house november 15, move in, have thanksgiving, the egg bowl, i have to put a christmas tree in my front yard by the first of december (it's code on our new street), i have the museum gala preview dec. 1, my mom's pageant on dec. 2, pancake day and christmas parade on dec. 3 and also the museum gala on dec. 3, then the tour of homes on dec. 4. christmas party on dec. 17 and housewarming party on dec. 31. KILL ME!!!!! you'll be fine. and the 'sip ain't so bad! you can't beat being close to family when you have a bebe.

  2. Em, you are in the "adventure" of life. Relish & learn from every moment of it... the good moments & the not-so-good moments. Life's events can never be relived. The only choice we have is to learn from them & to grow from them. I'm reading a wonderful book... A GIFT OF WINGS by Richard Bach. You might enjoy it, too. Below is a a small passage from it:

    "Remember the high board at the swimming pool? After days of looking up at it you finally climbed the wet steps to the platform. From there, it was higher than ever. There were only two ways down: the steps to defeat or the dive to victory. You stood on the edge, shivering in the hot sun, deathly afraid. At last you leaned too far forward, it was too late for retreat, and you dived. The high board was conquered, and you spent the rest of the day diving. Climbing a thousand high boards, we demolish fear, and turn into human beings..."

    Change is good. Only with changes can you become who you were meant to be. Everything is going to be just fine. You will look back on these memories and say to yourself, "Wow! Look how far I've come. I can see now why this or that had to happen in order to get me where I am today."



I love to hear from you! Thanks for visiting!