Up and down and all around. I'm stuck on an insane amusement park ride and I'm not amused.
Thinking about Wilder turning one comes with more emotions than I ever imagined. I'm stressed about his party -- I know it doesn't have to be perfect... but I want it to be. At the same time I'm also excited about his party because we have family coming out for it and I'm looking forward to celebrating surviving one year as a mother. ;)
I'm also planning on starting to wean Wilder from breastfeeding when he turns a year old. I have mixed emotions about this too. In a way, I'm ready for it; but mostly I'm feeling very sad and anxious about losing this special way of bonding with him.
Also, the holidays. Who doesn't get stressed about the holidays? I'm glad that we're going to be in Tennessee for Christmas after being gone the last three years. But I can't help but be sad about it too because it's the first one without my dad.
Also, Paul graduates in less than 9 months. After an almost 10-year college career that's, of course, very exciting. But, what the hell are we going to do then?? I'm already stressing about where we'll live, where we'll work, and how we'll adjust to life as working people instead of students.
I'm also having mixed feelings about leaving San Diego. It's so expensive and sooo far away from family, but we love living here and are very happy here. I was mildly depressed when we lived in Mississippi and I think the weather had a lot to do with it. I need sunshine! And I'm worried that if we move back to the South I'll fall back into that dark place. I guess I could always get one of these.
Up, down, up, down. I guess it's all a part of life, but I'm not used to dealing with so many changes all at once. I've never liked rollercoasters. I've always been more partial to the Teacups. But, unfortunately, once you get on a rollercoaster, there's no emergency exit. No matter how scared you get or how much you feel like you're going to lose your lunch, you just have to ride it out.
So, my question is, how can I be as unaffected by the crazy rollercoaster of my life as this guy? ;)