It's been a dumpy kind of day. I may have just made that word up, but it has. It's been just... blahhh. It's been raining. I've been missing my dad. I've run into some setbacks with party planning. And, as soon as I finished loading groceries into the car this afternoon, I realized I had forgotten something really important so I had to drag Wilder back in for a second time... only to get home and realize I had forgotten like two more things. Yeah, that kind of day. Errgh!
So I've decided to remedy my rainy day blues by making a list of some things I'm thankful for. I sooo don't feel like doing this right now but that's exactly why I need to. I know when I'm done I'll feel a lot better (and not just because I will have gotten this damn NaBloPoMo Day 6 post off my back). When I'm feeling crappy it always helps to remind myself of all the good things in my life.
1) I'm thankful for Wilder. I'm thankful that he makes grocery shopping (and every other activity) fun just by being his own little sweet, happy, laughy self. I'm thankful that he's healthy, a good eater, and easy-going. I'm thankful for how immensely better and sweeter he's made my life over the last year.
2) I'm thankful for Paul. I'm thankful that where one of us is weak, the other is strong. Those party planning setbacks? He totally swooped in and saved the day. It irks me a little that what was taking me hours to do a mediocre job at, he can do a fantastic job at in no time at all. But I'm thankful that that is the case anyway. I'm thankful that our two weak, misshapen persons fit together just right to form one strong super-couple.
3) I'm thankful for a family that clings together, supports each other, and moves forward together through devastating loss. I'm thankful that, although we're each grieving in different ways, we try our best to be understanding and supportive of each other's unique processes.
4) I'm thankful for good, true friends. I was never one to seek out a large group of friends. I always just had one or two good friends and I have sometimes been guilty of neglecting even those relationships. But the experiences of becoming a mom and losing my dad have shown me the importance of good friends and I'm thankful that I've been able to rekindle old friendships and ignite new ones over the last year. It's still not a huge group but I prefer quality over quantity anyway. Those women, whether they are school friends, mom friends, or blog friends, have become such an important part of my life and I'm so grateful for the support and love they have shown me.
5) I'm thankful for Everything Pretzel Crisps and ice cold Coke Zero. Sorry, that one snuck in there.
6) I'm thankful that we've had this amazing opportunity to live in such a beautiful place. Being so far from family has been hard, but moving 2,000 miles away where we didn't know a soul has made us better and stronger as individuals and as a couple and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.
7) I'm thankful for this blog for a few different reasons (the connection with other moms, the very thorough record it is of Wilder's first year, the therapeutic aspect of writing, etc.), but one of the main reasons is this: Growing up I was always writing but I never wanted my dad to read what I wrote for some reason. I was immaturely very adamant about this -- covering my pages if he even walked into the room -- like he would have done anything other than praise and encourage me. He was a writer himself and I regret not bonding with him over that more. But in June of last year, on a whim and mostly out of boredom while Paul was out of town, I put aside my fear of being read and started writing publicly on the internet for my dad (and all the world) to see. Even though we were 2,000 miles apart my dad and I grew closer over those 16 months than we ever had been before. He was able to read what was going on in my daily life and he would email or call me to talk about my posts. When I started the Life of Wilder posts, if I was late posting on a Friday, I could be sure I would be getting a call from him wondering where his weekly update was. He was my biggest fan. This blog improved my relationship with my dad during what would be the last year of his life and I am so incredibly thankful for that.
There, see? I'm feeling much better now. Even though it's still raining (seriously, what is up with this weather??), I can go to bed happy and hopefully wake up to sunshine tomorrow. If not, I'll just come back and re-read this list and try to make the most of the day anyway.